i am a musician, and i take an unhealthily huge amount of pride in my ears. i love my pet labs + ferret, peach smoothies, discworld books, boesendorfers, roast lamb and yoko kanno's music. i also wish i had a billion dollars.

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01 December 2014 || 8:07 AM

tons of posts about racism these days, don't have to tell you why, bit sad that it takes something like this for people to actively talk about it. i come from a country where sometimes it feels like racism is encouraged and enforced, so that frustration is something i'm familiar with.

some of the arguments that have surfaced make zero sense though... i get that people want to highlight racism by using high profile names but sometimes i don't even know where they're coming from.

"beyonce is a bad role model for being sexual, but miley cyrus is a feminist icon? don't lie and tell me that double standard isn't racist" - some tumblr that's being reblogged to the ends of the earth

first of all wtf, i don't know a single person who looks up to miley while calling beyonce a bad role model. i know people who idolise both, and people who don't think either make good role models, and people who respect beyonce and would spit on miley, but not the other way around. like are you just pulling these statements out of your ass to prove a point that doesn't really need proving anyway? a matter this serious doesn't deserve wishy washy backup like this.


why do issues in america always get turned into weird shit

why do people always miss the point

it doesn't matter how much we sit here and point fingers at celebrities because at the end of the day they have tons of money and they're not going to be affected [much] by what you say, maybe feel a tiny twinge of guilt but all they gotta do is donate 1 mil to charity and all is well again

what's important is what's on the ground, not what's up there in the sky in private chartered planes

teach your kids what's right, admonish your friends when they display injustice

focus on the things you can achieve; talking about beyonce or miley isn't going to do a damn  thing

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12 August 2014 || 8:10 PM

i randomly ended up in a conversation with an off-duty barista about southeast asia and i was trying to describe a kancil and he told me that the way i described it was really cute and i was just like O.O  nobody's ever told me that before uuuuu


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you'll know
11 August 2014 || 4:47 AM

even though i never really said it often, because i'm terrible at showing appreciation, i am extremely grateful for you. i know you've always had my back, and i'm slightly ashamed to say i took it for granted sometimes, but at the end of the day i am still thankful for you, and all the help and support you've given me.

you always were kinda weird, and always a meanieface (no me jodas babosa!!), but when shit got real you were there to help me deal with it. when i took things too seriously you were there to tell me to lighten up. somehow you knew when i was having a hard time, and you always had the best things to say to cheer me up.


thanks for being - in your words - a fucking amazing bro.

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13 July 2014 || 3:29 AM

it's been ages since i last blogged - don't even know why i still do, i guess every now and then friends (hi!!) pop in to see if i've been up to anything interesting. and to be honest, i haven't really. haha. i've just been lying around waiting for stuff to start, and while i wait i play wakfu.

so after FO went down momo, naru and i migrated along with a bunch of other FO players to seyken (named after seiken densetsu), only to see that go down very quickly (much to our dismay). i spent a week hunting for another MMO we could all play that would run on mac. i clicked on a thousand links (maybe more, who knows) and eventually found... wakfu. the name sounds really weird and almost unimpressive but the second i saw the website (and discovered that it was playable on a mac) i was sold.

MMOs are interesting in that you meet a lot of interesting people. they're like mini worlds. you learn very quickly about people's personalities and who's a jerk, who's not, how to run things, how to take orders, etc. great lessons for real life i suppose. S&P was all about extracting information about people, spying and catching spies, and coordinating stuff with people from all over the world. it was the first game in which i gave someone my password - a certain someone who eventually became a hilarious friend (although we're no longer in touch) and was extremely trustworthy. it was also the first game that led to me meeting a new person IRL, exchanging phone numbers, and being helped out. (thanks shadow, you da best)

FO took that one step further; i talked to people on tinychat, played jazz for them (oh lord) and made facebook friends (with only 2 people though; i rejected everyone else). i guess i can see how other people would find it creepy, but i don't know, i like to think i'm good at weeding out creepers. the only two people from FO that i added had real profiles and lives that involved hanging out with actual friends, respectable jobs and... well, nice personalities. adding random people on FB is something i might have done when i was 13 (except i wasn't even using FB then)... but i'm all grown up now, and i don't take stupid chances.

oddly enough, i've begun doing skype calls with people from wakfu. they've seen some of my pictures, and i've seen some of theirs. people still tell me it's hella creepy that i do that, and that i'm getting myself into something dangerous. to be honest i have no idea how or why they think that. plenty of people are murdered or conned or robbed by acquaintances. and plenty of people who use the internet are decent people. the people who go on the internet and talk shit about the other people would like - i'm sure - to think they're decent people. i dunno. i think as you get older you sort of get sick of backhandedness. just be honest, people will see through you eventually.

i'm not entirely sure how this all relates to wakfu. when momo, naru and i moved we made konoha again, invited all the usual people, and played together. but being with the same people over and over again, in the same "circumstances" is extremely stifling. it resists change. and it became like those girly cliques in high school where everyone is expected to "support" everyone, and if you disagree or show discontent, you either get cast out, or somebody starts spreading rumours about you. and so this happened, and so i left.

since then, i've joined a guild with a horrible back story, gained about 50 levels and some repute, and most importantly, made a bunch of friends. i wouldn't call any of them "close" friends yet - S&P friends are kind of hard to beat - but what's important is i would readily call them friends, i would certainly confide in them (in case you haven't already found out, confiding in people you don't know irl is great, neutral advice is the best thing ever), i would certainly listen to them if they wanted to confide in me, and i would trust them with some personal information.

someone in wakfu asked me what the best way to make money is. i said, run lots of dungeons. he asked, is there another way? i said, well, be generous with the drops you get from running said dungeons. he was appalled and couldn't understand how giving away things made you wealthy. but it's kind of cool how this is the same sort of advice some people give you in real life, telling you that if you're not a tightwad, and you readily help people in need, and don't keep trying to get money out of your friends, you'll probably go a long way. (not that being a master conman doesn't make you rich, but... well, doing it the "moral" way probably makes you feel better)

now that i've gotten to a point where i'm the highest level guild member and one of the most active contributors, i think(?) i'm supposed to be responsible for making sure people are set. so i try to do stuff when i can; if someone needs mats and i happen to have them, they get them. if someone needs gear and i drop it, they can have it. a lot of the time people go :O  because they don't expect to get anything for free, and 90% of the time the kindness gets repaid. in some form or other. for the longest time i worked for a GL who kept taking things from me, and because i admired her and thought she was a cool high level player i stupidly gave her all my things, but later on it left a bitter taste in my mouth, because not only did she refuse to help me with anything; she repeatedly tried to sabotage me. which is disgusting. i have zero respect for people who step all over other people to get to a place. it's like that horrible coworker who backstabs you all the time, then puts on a smile and his best behaviour when boss walks in. GROSS.

makes me wonder what all these people are like irl. i know online personas can be drastically different from their real life owners, but surely these extremes don't occur all the time. if people can be nice in a game where there are no real repercussions to being a jerk, surely they must be even nicer in real life. which makes me wonder about myself and the type of person people think i am. do i come across as nice, or stuck up, or shy, or lazy, or selfish, or something else? and do any of these apply to the person i actually am in real life? (lazy would be 100% accurate) 

but whatevs. if you're reading this, play wakfu! it is now f2p :)

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my face
25 January 2014 || 10:16 PM

these days i'm kind of into the korean aesthetic; the idea that a face can be "perfect". i've stopped shaving my brows so much, i'm actually using eyebrow pencil, i moisturise everyday, i don't use black felt tip eyeliners anymore... only brown, gray or khaki. i like the "natural" look. i also like glam makeup... although it took me a very long time to like it on myself. i learned after some experimentation that anyone *can* look good with heavy makeup - you just have to commit to it. you can't do it half-heartedly, thinking, ehhh i don't know about this, shit, i'll look like crap, ok, maybe more here and less here, because then it'll show and your face will look disgusting. and sometimes you just have to smile. i have really tiny lips (not thin, more like... short measured from side to side) and a long-ish chin so my jaw ALWAYS looks massive even though my face is actually kinda small. when i wear red lipstick, i look like shit. and then i smile. and suddenly i look really radiant. wtf magic.

so yeah, it's got to be a complete transformative experience. which is annoying, because i honestly don't want to put extra effort into smiling; what's the point of putting stuff on my face if i still have to smile to look acceptable? that part i am actually grateful for, because it's one of the few things keeping me from wearing heavier makeup everyday. i hate smiling. and i don't want people to think i'm one of those girls who can't be seen without makeup, because lord knows i look at girls in heavy makeup and immediately assume they can't be seen without their "faces" on.

anyway. my skin has been looking a lot better lately and i wanted to document that, so i took a few pictures.

quick reviews about products i have on:

revlon brow fantasy in dark brown is ok; the colour is a little dark for my liking and has a teeny bit of redness, so i always go over it with a q-tip to make sure it doesn't look overdone. it's pretty easy to apply. i actually think this will be better for people with either sparse brows or thin brow hairs, because too much hair in the way will make application a bit uneven. but you can blend either way, so it doesn't really matter.

3 concept eyes gel liner in brown is my new go-to liner. if you've never heard of 3CE, go check it out. it's a line of cosmetics under stylenanda with tons of really nice things. their eyeliners (pencil, gel, etc) come in gorrrgeous colours and apply easily even over eyeshadow. their cream pots are also lovely, very pigmented yet very blendable. their lipsticks are so-so, i've only ever owned 2 from 3CE. pretty colours but a bit drying on the lips. definitely go take a look though if you're interested in trying out new things. (navigating stylenanda can be a nightmare though, i have to say)

benefit they're real mascara is VERY average with a VERY deceiving name. the formula is heavy and thick... pretty sure no one's lashes are naturally clumpy/goopy. if you want a mascara that applies well and gives decent volume/length while still looking natural, i HIGHLY recommend josie maran's argan mascara. the black bottle with the hearts all over it. seriously. you will look like you got lash extensions. it's so so so amazing.

etude house water color blusher in apricot is also my new go-to. the packaging is downright cute (like a tube of water colour) but more importantly, the colour is outstanding. it's very creamy and starts to become a bit sticky as it dries, so fingers > brush/puff here. i never thought orange blush was for me. i was wrong!!! (this also comes in pink, red and lilac)

kate deep eyes in gn-1 is a now discontinued palette - mine is freaking old, i must've gotten it in 2006 or something. it's a 4 colour palette with 2 olive shades, 1 shimmery cream and 1 almost black. it's ok, i guess. not very pigmented, which is great when you're trying to be subtle.

tarte lipsurgence natural tint in lust looks very red, but is actually quite sheer. i like to dab on just a teeny tiny amount so my lips don't look dead.

sorry about my crazy hair. i've been growing it out for the longest time and it's started to look kinda fried.

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21 December 2013 || 2:00 AM

ennie : これでリリース!
マツJ: 次は金の話だw
ennie : コントラクト通りにね
マツJ: よく出来たからボーナスかもしれない
ennie : 頑張りました。
マツJ: これからもがんばりましょう
ennie : よろしくお願いします★


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a pepin thanksgiving
12 December 2013 || 3:50 AM

not too long ago most of the US celebrated thanksgiving. i personally don't celebrate it per se (why would i?) but any excuse for a bigger-than-usual dinner is always welcome... so! we sent out invitations and xa got to work on making some chicken.

my first couple of thanksgivings in america always involved turkey. let me first say that i'm not the biggest fan of turkey. i do like pulled turkey meat (the white parts) in a sandwich. i also like turkey ham. but turkey in general is kind of... i don't know, the jelak cousin of chicken. but it's very festive. i get that. it's a big bird. having a turkey in the middle of the table lends a lot of festivity to an occasion.

after 2 thanksgivings where i tried doing my own roast turkey and ending up with fantastically inconsistent dryness/moisture levels (i'm not a good cook - sorry) xa decided to do just turkey legs last year. and they were pretty nice. kind of a pain to eat with all the bones (this is why i prefer white turkey meat) but nice all the same.

this year we had considered doing turkey legs again. we also considered doing a curry - we found this cool spice blend in super88 with a ton of malaysian ingredients, and xa's been using it a LOT (nowhere near as good as real malaysian curry but it certainly blows malaysian cuisine in boston out of the water). eventually we decided on roasting a chicken. the day before, this somehow turned into a chicken galantine.

jacques pepin does a very easy-to-watch-and-follow video on youtube on making a chicken galantine. he shows you how to open up the chicken, where to cut, which bits to remove, and how to tie it up after you've stuffed it. xa stuffed our chicken with leek and sausage, like so.


and then it went into the oven, and came out, like so.

and it was very yummy indeed.

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