PAPER SKIES

*ABOUT ENNIE
i am a musician and a dreamer.

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hits since 2010





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rebirth
30 May 2016 || 1:40 PM
0 comments


Bougainvillea


the past 7 years have been one heck of a journey -- a journey i wish hadn't taken so long, a journey i wish had less exits, a journey that i wish hadn't been quite so strangled.

since 2016 began i have been on a mission to rediscover the person i used to be; to recover the bits of me that i left behind after every pitfall. it's only been about 6 months but the trek has been enlightening, full of tears and laughter. i reconnected with old friends. i strengthened loose friendships. i reignited old passions and ambitions.

and i fell in love (with my Rock and my Maker) all over again.


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journey
19 February 2016 || 10:54 AM


the search for happiness unravels so differently for everyone

maybe because of the environment i grew up in, or the things that were repeated to me over and over again until they stuck in my head, i became a person whose happiness depends on other people's happiness

i'm not entirely self-sacrificing; my bad temper often gets in the way of things. and i usually spend so much energy climbing out of the holes i dig for myself that i end up not having the strength to care for other people anymore, and not being able to do that gets me down

sometimes what makes people happy clashes with my beliefs, and i get stuck and i don't know how to prioritise

claire calls it the curse of being stuck between INFJ and INFP, when i can't choose whether to focus on my personal moral code, or on other people, which is also important to me

it's going to be a long, long climb

heave ho!


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renewal
05 January 2016 || 9:42 AM


one of my resolutions for the year was "be gracious"

i've had to get rid of a lot of negative writings and rewrite stuff to uphold that resolution. it's not just about being positive; it's about being understanding and accepting and not just going "i don't like that person so i'm going to avoid him/her"



2016 will be a tremendously stressful year, but also tremendously successful i hope. a year of chasing dreams. i think it is possible for people to harbour more than one dream, and you never really know which one was meant to be until you've tried them all.


2016 will also be a year of love. learning to love the people i complain about the most - myself and my family. because simply tolerating isn't enough. there must be acceptance and understanding, and in both, there must always be grace.




i am deeply grateful to the people i met who changed my life for better or for worse, who allowed me to experience things i would never have experienced otherwise.


thank you all, and best wishes.

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summer
16 August 2013 || 2:18 PM




two months ago summer was put to sleep. we always thought of her as the healthiest lab we had, but she was only 13 when she went. i still get filled with grief whenever i see her picture, with her sleepy, gentle eyes. the spitting image of her father. she didn't die because of old age. she had to die because we didn't take good care of her. if we'd taken her to the vet 3 years ago when she began developing that tumour we probably would have bought her 2 more years. maybe more.

when buddy was hurt he'd lie in a crumpled heap, not wanting to move. but when summer was hurt she'd pick herself up, yelp in pain, and hobble over to me. and when i had to go she'd hobble painfully back to her spot under the table. it's kind of remarkable how dogs really are man's best friends; in all her life summer never growled at us, or tried to run away, or attacked strangers. sometimes she was kind of dopey and hard to train, but she was the sweetest dopey dog we ever had.

having fermata has made me realise how quickly animals work their way into our hearts and become family. fermata isn't affectionate like summer was. he likes to do his own thing and he doesn't like it when i carry him. for the most part looking after him just entails refilling his food and water and taking him for a quick run up and down the stairs. but every time i look at him, even when he's been really naughty, my heart melts. that one time when we had to take him to the vet i was filled with anxiety, hoping we wouldn't find out that his gut is full of rubber and other random crap he chews on.

i hope to have a dog again someday, when i have a house of my own. there is something incredibly beautiful about the bond a dog develops with you, its human friend, and i would give anything to be able to experience that feeling again.





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love
24 April 2013 || 1:53 AM


"Love someone when they’re insufferable,
when they hate their job and hate their friends
and seem to hate everything in their life except for you.

You might lose respect for them, you might look at them
as if they’re weak and can’t stand on their own two feet,
but I want you to try to push those thoughts out of your brain
because the fact is that this happens.

People get stuck in their life and they look around
and only see one thing that makes sense to them.
It doesn’t make them weak or co-dependent, it just makes them human.
Don’t fault them for things that are largely out of their control,
don’t have your attraction hinge on how great their life seems to be going.

Choose to love them.

Choose to love them when they say your least favorite word,
choose to love them when they have a day when they need you more than usual,
choose to love them when they smell like shit,
choose to love them when they aren’t well,
when they aren’t the able-bodied picture of beauty they were when they met you
because people never stay the way you want them to.
You should know that."


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カリズマ
28 October 2011 || 12:15 PM
3 comments



sitting tight just before our BPC act



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heat wave
23 July 2011 || 1:12 AM
3 comments

boston - actually, pretty much the whole east coast - got hit by a crazy heat wave this week. today's temperature is expected to soar to 38ºC, way higher than even i'm used to back in malaysia. i stayed in all day yesterday with the AC on... even venturing out into the hallway made me feel somewhat suffocated, like i was in a sauna (i hate saunas).

ever since summer highs breached 32ºC fermata's been quite lethargic, choosing to get up only to make his way to the bathroom where the cool tiles are, or to eat/drink. when the AC is turned on he perks up significantly and is his normal playful self, but we try not to keep the AC on more than 8 hours a day to prevent the electricity bill from getting out of hand.

today i decided to wake him from his stupor and dump him in a room temp bath (normally ferrets should be bathed in water slightly over their 40ºC body temperature, but since it's already so hot i decided he'd appreciate a cool bath more).

i didn't get a picture of him in the bath - he's very ratty-looking when wet and because he doesn't like water very much tends to just stand very still - but i did get a few pictures of him after, when he was prancing around and drying himself.








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wildlife
10 May 2011 || 12:29 AM
0 comments



the hawks first started appearing towards the end of winter, and then the superintendent alerted amos to a nest they were building outside his window. one egg hatched sometime last week - like all baby birds this one looks a little odd and nothing like his parents yet, but someday he will grow into a fine young hawk, and leave to find a mate and build a nest of his own :)


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